The Lazy Artist

In my last post I said I had a reoccurring thought between two different classes. It was sometime during the semester that I had become really dissatisfied with my art. I couldn't see any growth in my art. It started to seem bland and boring. I felt unmotivated and uninterested. Everything I made seemed like just an attempt to retain muscle memory. It was as if I was only drawing because I was an artist that had to draw, not because I was having fun, or because I was drawing something I genuinely wanted to draw.

I would get up every morning and look through Instagram and Twitter and see all the artwork posted by the artists I followed. They all seemed to have a bit of themselves in their art. Their art was fun to look at, their characters had character. The artists I followed who were also still in school would post images they had finished for class and I would spend some time just studying what it was about their imagery that seemed so pleasing. I didn't get it.

The explanation for this that popped into my head between my Illustration and Animation classes was as follows: "They go to a school specialized for art. They're constantly surrounded by other artists that motivate them and make them want to get better. Their professors give them projects that help them define themselves as artists and help them improve where they want to improve." I guess we all find comfort in the lies we tell ourselves.

Between all these artists I was looking at there were artists who had never gone to school for art. There were also artists who went to art school and seemed to just be copying another artist's style. All the different artists that exist, from those that attended art school, to those that didn't attend any school, had different factors in their lives that made them the artists they are. There was no one path to take that lead them to where they were. So I realized that there was no simple solution that would give my art the life I felt it lacked.

That's when it hit me. I have been problem solving my whole life. I'm quite good at it. I manage to find the easy way around things constantly. I am dissatisfied with my art, so I try to solve the problem by basically looking online for a quick solution. I wanted to look at something and go "OK, got it," and start making awesome art. It's honestly how I've handled practically everything in my life. I look at something, see how it works, and find a way to make it bend to my will.

I only really started taking art seriously when I was 17. I had been involved in graffiti for a little while but I didn't consider it "art" really, it was more just some adolescent attempt at being a "bad ass." I won't go into too much detail, but over the next two or three years I attended some graff events, started painting, got involved in "street art" (whatever that is) and was majoring in Fine Art. Fast forward through some personal problems and I'm transferring schools and thinking of majoring in Graphic Design. Went to a Typography class for one day with a certain professor and realized I really don't want to deal with any one like her again in my life, so I stayed in Studio Art. Then last year I found the CUNY BA Unique and Interdisciplinary Studies school and said to myself "I want to do something I love," and transferred again.

So what does this all have to do with being dissatisfied with my art?  From the age of 17 until about a month ago, I have never been truly motivated. I developed the ability to create images my professors and clients liked. I knew how to get good grades and how to satisfy an audience. I knew what they wanted so I gave them what they wanted. It wasn't difficult, I have yet to get below an A- in an art class; unless you count the B+ I got for missing a final project. I missed a whole final project and got a B+. I have never gotten in over my head in anything, regardless of what I've told professors and peers. I took the easy way out every chance I could, and it never hurt me, until now.

I have a passion for art. I truly love making art. But making art for myself has become difficult, and I feel as though I lack an artistic identity. I could blame it on a lack of outside motivation. I could say "I never had a classmate who's artwork pushed me to do better," or "My professors never expected much so I didn't really give much," but if I'm going to be honest with myself, that's all just an excuse for laziness and letting myself be distracted by other things.

In the end, while other artists can say they've been making art as long as they can remember, and have always had art as an integral part of their lives, I can only say that art took a back seat for a long time in my life. Now that it's moving to the forefront, I find myself a little lost. I guess all I can do is keep working on the craft and see where this path takes me.

- Dennis