Screaming Into The Ether

Sometime during this past fall semester of school I had an idea for a post to write here. I found myself in my illustration class on Wednesday with a certain thought, and the reappearance of that thought during my animation class on Friday made me realize it was a subject I could share my thoughts about. I never actually wrote that post. I find that happening often when it comes to writing in a space that is open to the public.

I like my opinions to be well thought out and articulated. I like to take time to meditate on a subject and try and understand it from various different perspectives. I challenge myself to see how this subject could be viewed from a multitude of angles. Usually this ends with me never writing my opinions out, or with incomplete opinions I have to express by ending them with phrases such as "...at least that's what I think, I could be wrong." I am fairly certain that if someone was to look back through all the posts I've written you would find countless phrases synonymous with that.

Why does that stop me from writing though? In short, I feel the internet demands conviction. When I see what other people write on their blogs, and the things they post throughout social media, I am constantly baffled by how much people seem to "know." People spew out their opinions as facts, and some believe that because they've analyzed the subject through their distorted perception of the world for a few moments that their conclusion is a fact. I want to be unable to do that.

Most of the times when I have ideas for posts, they are a reaction to something someone else did. Generally if I have an urge to write about it, it means the reaction wasn't a good one. It usually means it upset me in some way and I now feel the need to cut that person down in order to promote my opinions and beliefs. Now, if I were someone else, I would probably just sit at my computer and type away until I feel I have properly laid down the law and now everyone knows how the world should work. I just can't bring myself to do it though. The time between the initial reaction and sitting down in my computer chair seems to be too long to remain in a state of blind judgment. I start to ask myself questions about my initial reaction, and I start to wonder if it's worth the effort to address the issue.

If you count the amount of posts I've written in the past few months you'll realize the answer is usually "No," and to be honest, it's not outside the realm of possibility for some to take that as a lack of conviction. As a result I ask myself if I lack conviction, and if conviction is something I should promote within myself. The answer to these questions is in this post. The third paragraph in this post is vitriol aimed at people with opinions that sit within a black and white realm, while the first and third paragraphs almost seems like an attempt to elevate myself above them by claiming I try and see the world as grey. An opinion about opinions is still an opinion, and sticking by an opinion is conviction.

I'm starting to forget the purpose of this post. I guess it's supposed to be an explanation of sorts as to why I do not write often. The internet and social media often feel like yelling into the darkness of space and waiting for a response. I don't know if it's a proper platform for someone you can't totally agree or disagree with, because the most common reactions seem to be of that nature. It all seems better suited for people who stand on one side of an issue and have cemented themselves in place. I just want to be able to maneuver and adapt.

- Dennis