The weekend brings about a flattering reflection on my legacy. I spin a short autobiography that explains my flunking out of normalcy and the cooler lunch tables. First, you have to create a persona that would negate any proposal along the lines of "let's go to X place and drink" before it is conceived. Your aura would translate this proposal into: "let's willingly (!!!) pay seven times as much for this mid-level bottle of liquor..." and the words would simply turn into vomit in the mouth of our proposer. Whatever the situation calling for celebration may be it is never good enough to get me dressed (appropriately). I exaggerate, but we all do from time to time.
Look, I'm just trying to listen to Sunn O)) with an NBA game on mute while I plan out how exactly to go about streaming Her illegally tomorrow night. By exactly I mean the entirety of the event: the time, location (within my home), food accompaniment (snacks, a real meal, beer and snacks, tea (chamomile probably)?), seating arrangement for three plus my dog, and if I should shower before or after. There is no space for spontaneity so I'm making sure I forget to answer any dubious text messages. It's not that I don't like people, it's just that it's not okay to not like people. You get it. There are simply too many rules to consider when going out to do things I did ten years ago. Plus, you have to deal with nostalgia if you encounter people you have known for years: "Remember that time..." Yes, we all remember because we were there. And it's never anything really worth remembering unless there is a dead silence that needs to be broken with laughter. In that case, I cannot understand why staying at home and being in silence is not an option.
(More on nostalgia: I have a hypothesis about this that may seem somewhat negative. Nostalgia seems to serve as a buffer between people that have grown apart. You know that the present and future cannot include the people you are reminiscing with in any meaningful way so you tap into the past in order to fill silences. It is understandable to be nostalgic while inebriated, but a sober nostalgic conversation is a statement regarding how little all those involved care about one another in the present. Nostalgia also serves to transport us back to a time when we were all "equals," due mostly to young age, and lacked the heavy sense of status one develops over time. So, you may be sucked into a nostalgic vortex by someone who is trying to avoid touching upon the subjects of successes and failures.)
There is a good chance you are an adult with developed ideas of what is right and wrong. You have decidedly clear distinctions as to what should and what should not be. That is fine and well because it is up to every human adult to pick values and let them inform their actions. It is not okay to take a shot at changing or challenging someone's fantasy values team when you are at a bar, for example. Gently introducing someone whose experiences you care about to new things is a better approach, but we mostly encounter sales representatives of all sorts attempting to convince one another of how good certain things are: "This song is great," "This beer is good," "You should try this out," "I am a good person and you will not regret getting to know me by listening to me express my likes and dislikes throughout the night," etc. Telemarketers are miserable.
Ok, now
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