The Doom Machine (3/19): The Absurd

However sullen your existence, it is hopefully devoid of Knicks fandom. If you keep your societal contributions to a minimum there is a chance you caught the live unveiling of Phil Jackson as the new Knicks President of Basketball Operations. As torturous as 9 to 5 employment may be, the added insult of being able to watch most Knicks games after literally fighting your way home during rush hour in the most inhumane city on earth has been a prerequisite to allow yourself the joy of yesterday's event. If you have not watched I suggest you do so solely to witness James Dolan say nine words, all of them magical.

The Doom Machine (3/13): Fortuitous Bounce

With 116 wins combined between the last five opponents and over 60 games played by each team, the Knicks have done very well against the equivalent of your favorite Entemann's snack. The only team above .500 among this collection of victims is Minnesota and they are barely holding on to their decency at 32-31. But last night, Spero Dedes correctly noted that this same brand of draft lottery dream teams had handed the Knicks some head scratching losses earlier in the season. Our Knicks, because you have to claim them when they're bad, have played well below expectation while hitting the low notes with passion.

Random Generator: The 20 Piece Quest

1:05 p.m.: We are less than an hour away from my meeting with 20 Chicken McNuggets (CM's for short) for the "It Must Be Bad For You If It Is This Cheap" price of five American dollars. I have no shame in my pursuit of wholesale foods that, despite recent public infatuation with health and food awareness, taste better than every and any thing deemed edible by the FDA and civilized peoples.
If you want to be enthralled by the scope of this mission you should know that this was planned with  advanced scheduling techniques, statistical considerations, calorie intake and calorie burning charts, terrain and weather projections, supply distribution and inventory, all to lessen the possibility of a mishap. My brother, knowing very well how important this quest was, agreed to accompany me on what would be a 15 block trek to the nearest McDonald's.
You see, it all started last night with a commercial induced craving for the small fried nuggets filled with chicken parts. Commercials work. They plant the seed from which a desire for something like CM's flourishes into bursts of lucid daydreams involving yourself and the product.

The Holy Grail.

The Doom Machine (1/30-2/2): Part II of 'A Royal Mess of Things'

Our young abandoned astronaut is aboard a plush rescue vessel headed towards planet Earth. The crew of this vessel made a big fuss when they found the young astronaut; their mission accomplished they could all go home and continue existing as humans exist. But something about our abandoned and now rescued astronaut was "off." No member of the crew could get through to him for answers to questions, a greeting, or even recognition of his being rescued, so he was restrained and quarantined. It may sound cruel, but this is intergalactic protocol.

The Doom Machine (1/30-2/2): Part I of 'A Royal Mess of Things'

On the surface of the Moon a young abandoned astronaut is unaware of the grandiosity of LeBron James. Earthly matters are distant dreams that revolve around foods that don't come out of tubes or packets. On Earth there is no escaping King James. You can live under a rock, lack a television and only unfurl your feelers to taste society on random occasions and His presence will still be felt. Against your will, not requiring your permission or approval; that is probably the best way to define the presence and power of aristocracy. But enough of comparing you to a hybrid mollusk-man stranded on the moon, let's get to the point.

The Doom Machine (1/28): MELO62 & The Guano War

I recently wrote about the effects of the digital age on history. Yeah, I write a lot using the same platform I constantly question (questioning is not necessarily bashing, by the way). Sometimes I wonder if sharing my writing, or whatever you want to call this, would be possible without the ease of sharing our present age gifts us. Things that come with ease are in a sense controversial because we are raised on a meritocratic system that places a higher value on the ever changing concept of hard work. Improvements can be made on whatever your craft is and most people attempt to make these improvements; complacency is looked down upon by almost every Contributing Member of Society (capped it for that special lot). But sometimes you just do something you have done a hundred times before so well that you MELO62.

The Odd Couple: Satan's Duality

This is not where you go to for television show recaps. But what you are about to read is so much more than that. I'm talking about nether-realm shadiness in the form of television programming. Oh, and it's not just TV, it's HBO.

The Doom Machine (1/23): The Ship & The Ocean

There was absolutely no way the Knicks would drop a fifth straight game. Especially considering the opposition's headquarters has a large white flag erected until the day of the 2014 draft. What a perfect game for the "win now" Knicks to fatten up the anorexic W column. But what an even better opportunity for them to lose said game and remind us that we are being trolled by an entire franchise.