James Dolan's grubby hands will touch $3 million that once belonged to Jason Kidd this off season. To Dolan and Glen Grunwald that's close to nothing because they're rich people that live in a rich world where rich things are done.
But this is my story and things here are dictated by the insane thoughts, better known as hope, a Knicks fan can have.
On July 3rd, 2013 Darren Collison accepts a 1 year contract for the total sum of $2.5 million. A crowd of 500 Knicks fans gather outside of MSG to weep and laugh in disbelief because what just happened was completely unexpected/will go terribly wrong. The 26 year old Collison says things at the press conference like: "I can't wait to play," "I've been working on my offensive arsenal," "This is a championship caliber team," etc. More weeping and laughing from Knicks fans.
Flashback to June 23rd, 2013 when Dolan bumped into Marcus Camby at a party somewhere we would never be invited to or even hear of. After a couple of drinks Dolan bravely asks Camby how much he would have to pay him to retire this summer. Camby playfully says "7 million," and chuckles. Dolan pulls out his personal check book (not the Cable Vision check book), it's elegantly embroidered with 24k gold etchings, and writes a check for $7 million. He proceeds to slam it on to the nearest table face up while staring at Camby with the ferocity of a lion/tiger/liger (a liger liger (very rare)). Marcus begins making his way to Dolan, their eyes fixed on each other. The party has come to a dead stop, the silence is deafening and one would be able to hear...James Dolan drawing a sword from his waist. Camby is startled, he trips on Isiah Thomas' extended foot and snaps his ankle in half. Dolan quickly writes a new check for $4 million and Camby accepts while producing sounds of agony. This is how roughly $8.5 million become available.
The 17th of July of the year 2013 marks the day that JR Smith signs a deal with the Houston Rockets. In Houston Smith will become what James Harden was to the Thunder while playing back up to James Harden. The 500 fans outside of MSG have swelled to number over 1,000 after the Collison deal (marketed as "Colossal") and the news of JR's departure gets mixed results. Some give up and go home, others applaud, while others show no emotion whatsoever. The New York Post makes a complete mess of things by printing a very racist article about Smith and his non-factual association to multiple street gangs. A short lived riot takes place.
On July 18th, 2013 the Knicks leak out classified information that they are talking to Josh Smith of the Atlanta Hawks. Skip Bayless has an on air stroke while arguing loudly with Stephen A. Smith over this rumor. Both Bayless and Smith die that same day creating a gap for males of the last name Smith in the city of New York. That night, at exactly 8:30 p.m., Josh Smith signs a 2 year 9 million dollar agreement with the Knicks. He, and a newborn named Elias Smith, filled the Smith gap thus restoring order to the Universe. The riots ended at 9 p.m. that same evening.
By July 20th, 2013 there were approximately 7,000 Knicks fans outside of MSG (according to the NYPD). Glen Grunwald decided it was time to address the crowd from his office/dungeon. A large projector was rolled out onto Broadway by James White a member of MSG's staff. Grundwald's face appeared on a building mouthing words without any sound. No one had thought about the audio so a transcript was printed out a day later. Still, the 7,000 Knicks fans stared at the projection.
The most important part of the transcript stated that Amare Stoudemire had been traded in a three way deal with the Raptors and the Jazz. Stoudemire was to be shipped off to the Raptors, the Jazz would get Rudy Gay and a 2016 draft pick from Toronto, and the Knicks were getting Al Jefferson from Utah. The Knicks were once again selling "The Best Front Court in the League" to the media who translated it to "The Biggest and Slowest Front Court in the League" for us. No one, including coach Woodson, made an attempted to figure out our starting 5 and the Canadian government was kind enough to prohibit Justin Bieber from attending any Knicks games.
The month of August saw the return of Nate Robinson to the Knicks. How this was done is a mystery to everyone including Grunwald and Dolan. Some claim that Robinson had actually been living in MSG ever since he joined the Bulls. There is surveillance footage and a bed riddled with stuffed animals located in a broom closet to back this theory up.
August was also a sad month as Pablo Prigioni went missing. He was last seen in Forest Hills, Queens sitting on the steps of the LIRR station across the street from the McDonalds on 71st avenue.
Flash forward to May 26th, 2013. It's game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals and the Knicks are up 3 games to none on the Indiana Pacers. Mike Breen constantly reminds us that the Knicks boast the best record in the league and that the Pacers don't stand a chance. The Best Front Court in the League is a reality and we have multiple players in the midst of their best seasons. The sweep is swiftly culminated and two weeks later the Knicks defeat the Thunder in 6 games. A championship banner is raised and Knicks fans weep and laugh.
The 2014 off season begins with the rehiring of Isiah Lord Thomas III as head coach.
The end.
-Alex Moran
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