How To Be Okay With Being Ugly

The world is riddled with creatures that are unknowingly engaged in a reproductive contest. Your genes are begging you to be passed on because they're a bunch of fascist imperialists. Being conquistadors is in our nature.

Unfortunately, many of us are afflicted with disadvantages that hinder our performance in the sport of reproduction. Some of us suffer with the idea of practicality: it's not in everyone's best interest to create multiple little ones. Others deal with the daily struggles of having inherited genes that society has decided to declare war upon with the weapon of beauty. Excess hair, strange skin, height disadvantages, deformities, thyroid problems, and handicaps, to name a few, have made it quite difficult for many to keep their lineage of hideousness around to see the next ice age. In other words, pretty people have a better chance of getting laid and having kids.
I combat this personal reality by employing techniques of self control through philosophical enlightenment. This doesn't mean I'm a philosophy major that can rattle off the names of dead white men that thought about life for a living. This also doesn't mean I'm enlightened in any way. In stead of scholarly grandeur I use the human ability to explain the world to myself in a way that makes sense and I simply deal with that world in a way that benefits me most. Christians and Catholics do it by making it okay to be poor and not so okay to be rich.
So, in order to come to terms with the fact that my sub-species of not TV ready humans is slowly dying off I deny the idea that we want to be around anyway. Everyone can agree that it's a pretty cruel world filled with people looking to exact revenge on each other for some unknown reason. (I'm not even involved in this competition.) This is how I come to the conclusion that most people are naturally flawed in an irreparable way. Not only are people flawed, but their flaws are destroying the very planet we inhabit so that there won't even be an arena in which to continue our contest. Now that the world is terrible and doomed I have a reason as to why I don't want to bring children into it in the first place.
There is another weapon in my arsenal that I have recently purchased from the black market that is thought. If the human world is in such bad shape who exactly is thriving? You would have to be just as terrible as the current human situation in order to be happy in it. Satan is happy in hell, Hitler was ecstatic committing genocide, Kim Kardashian is a prosperous prostitute, etc. Make no mistake, beautiful people are thriving. There are enough pictures of humans being beautiful to erase the whole history of ugly. Instagram, Twitter and Facebook serve as a databank for the future regime. A beautiful regime where gyms are more common than supermarkets. (Calorie intake, bro.)
As you can see I do not denounce the social construct that is beauty, I simply get into a short altercation with it. It's all a "Fine, have this hell hole" type of argument. We both walk away feeling victorious. They go out to conquer, I stick around to watch.

Live & direct from Hideous Headquarters,
Alex Moran