2 + 2 Will Equal 4

                Romantic relationships are something I still haven't figure out. I don't know if you're ever supposed to, or you just get lucky and find someone you can stand. Either way, my New Year's resolution for 2011 was to be single for the whole year in an attempt to see if some time alone would give me some insight into what was going wrong. After a year single though, not much changed. Maybe I went about it all wrong.
              The day immediately after a year had passed, I was on a date with someone I had met a few weeks before. We dated for a bit before I realized I was headed towards another unsuccessful relationship. I realized she had me on a pedestal, and had expectations of me I was more than likely not going to live up to. Plus, we didn't really lead lives which complimented each other well. I took some more time off after that, but after a few drinks (I allowed myself to have a bit more than I limit myself to) on a summer night, I found myself flirting with someone, swapping numbers, and ending up in an insane situation I don't think I ever want to relive (and won't write in detail here). It was time for another break.

                I began to contemplate my romantic exploits of the past, and it was mostly just a series of short relationships. My longest relationship was a year and half, and it was with someone who, Odin bless her, put up with stuff she shouldn't have, in a relationship we should've known wasn't going to work out (for the second half of the relationship I was broke, and she pretty much paid for everything...if I ever come across some money I should write her a check). Apart from that, the second longest was about 3 months I believe. Something wasn't right.

                I decided that maybe talking to people and reading a bit about it might be a better idea. I got my first bit of advice from my mother. She called me a "puto." Then she told me I should stop concentrating on pretty faces, and that I need someone who feeds me intellectually. She also added that I'm not 'normal' and I probably need to find someone else who also is not 'normal.' Then she started calling me stubborn and saying that finding someone who can put up with me will probably be impossible...I think that last part was a joke.
                After that I found myself talking to my brother and his girlfriend. My brother said I should take more time to know the females I was dating, and his girlfriend said I'm probably finding them in the wrong places. She also said she was getting tired of learning new names, which I knew was a joke (but it made the "macho" in me feel sort of cool). I thought this was a good start and I started thinking about what they told me. I realized that they were pretty much dead on. When you think about it, it all fits together pretty nicely. I become infatuated with a pretty girl I meet under who knows what circumstances, court her quickly because she's pretty, then after some time I realize we connect on no deeper level. Doesn't really seem like a recipe for success does it?

                This forced me to ask myself two questions . The first was how was I getting these girls to go out with me? Society creates rules for everything, and dating has many rules. The way you look, what you eat, what you do, how you act, what you say...the rules cover it all. You have to obey certain rules on a date as far as I've been informed. I've heard females say things like "Dinner and a movie is for high school kids, he better find something else to do," or "If he isn't well groomed on the first date, he obviously isn't serious," or my favorite "If he doesn't pay for the date, he isn't worth it." Males have basically told me "Females only like guys who are groomed, employed, well dressed, masculine and financially ambitious." There was probably more, I just can't remember it all. If all this was true, then I should have been single for the majority of my life.

                I try to be myself as often as possible, and I don't really think I abide by many of those rules. I usually present myself to people as I am. I mean, I like food and movies, so dinner and a movie sounds good to me. I don't feel the need to groom myself before meeting someone. Paying for someone seems pretentious and demeaning (although sometimes it's just easier for one person to pick up a bill, doing the math isn't always fun). My employment status is questionable at most times (I am often broke). As far as financial ambition goes, I lack that, I don't need much so I am not motivated to attain much. Physically I've always thought I didn't match the advertised definition of handsome, by my own doing of course. I constantly get new kinds of haircuts, grow my facial hair in different ways (I had the Lemmy at one point...and I guess I'm proud of that...) and the way I dress varies all the time. Females dated me while I looked like the comedian Gallagher and wore purple jeans. If you take all of this into account, you can come to two conclusions: either these rules are rubbish, or I belong in some special category of human that can escape all these rules. I still don't really understand how people believe in all those rules when there are so many cases that disprove them. In other words, the response to how I get girls to go out with me was: I have no idea.

                The second question I had to ask myself had two parts. How was I letting myself fall into this bad habit and what should I do about it? The first part of this was fairly easy to answer; I was letting myself fall victim to my hedonistic desires, I obviously wasn't as in control of myself as I thought I was. It takes some work to truly be able to stop yourself from acting on these impulsive desires. I see a pretty girl, I want to make-out with the pretty girl, that's just how it is. The second part was a little more difficult to respond to.

                First, I decided to start listening to my gut. In all my past relationships there were red flags that constantly went up, which I ignored. This was because I thought that maybe I was focusing too much on someone's faults, and also because I kept hearing that you have to deal with the good parts and bad parts of someone. Let me tell you, you may be able to look past some faults, but sometimes you just have to see those red flags and abandon ship. I'm not really a partier/drinker/drug taker so why did I find myself dating people who were? And why did they think they could put up with someone who would rather cook, and watch a movie at home than go out to a bar? I mean...I'd much sooner join a book club with someone than take them out to a club.

                 Second, I decided to listen to my brother and take my time getting to know people. People say a lot of things when you first meet them; don't take it all at face value, or even believe it all. I recently met someone who I share a lot of interests with, even some obscure stuff I really didn't think I would find someone else interested in. In the past, I would've moved quickly and who knows where things would've been by now. She could be insane and I wouldn't know cause I didn't take the time to find out, but I took heed to my brother's words and decided to let things play out over time. I don't know what will happen, but that's better than having the same things that happened before happen again.

                Last, I grew a beard. As weird as this may sound, I think it's a good idea. I know I said some females still like me when I look weird, but I think it weeds out some of the females who may have dated me simply for my appearance...as few as they may be (unless I find someone with a beard fetish). Hopefully some of this stuff actually works. If this yields no new results though, I'll just cultivate this beard to an epic length.

- Dennis

Edit: The girl was sort of insane, and the beard became too difficult to deal with. Disappointing, but life continues.