5 Silver Rules

This is a short list aimed at helping you determine if you're in the wrong place:
1. Music. Did everyone in the vicinity just go crazy over a song you either don't like or you've only heard a handful of times against your will? I'm talking about every human body in this place simultaneously erupting, forming a cohesive, albeit unintentional, quarantined area that will from now on house you and your tastes. You're more likely than not in the wrong place but, you can deal with this.
2. Music, again. Is the music so loud you can't hear yourself think? This is a common strategy used to attract those members of society who don't necessarily want to think on a given night. If conversation is something you enjoy engaging in you'll have to put it on the back burner for the time being and...umm...drink until thinking and verbally expressing yourself in a coherent manner are impossible, I guess.
3. Attire. There are such things as being under and overdressed. As a serial underdresser, I must caution the reader that there are pitfalls to underdressing. One of the worst is not being allowed in to some posh dungeon because your outfit cannot be hung on a wall and pass as art. The bull necked bouncer is telling you you're too poor to get in. Send those inside a text to inform them of the situation. This message should also demonstrate your being upset you could not join them.  :(  (You're not really upset. You wanted this to happen.)
4. Mass. Are you the only person for miles that cannot bench press a refrigerator stocked full of horse meat? Does your soul quit on your body after a game or two of unimpressive half court basketball? Not only are you in the wrong place, you're in the wrong zip code. There's not much you can do about this immediately except note that if one of these herculean characters really wanted to they could deplete your life meter rather quickly. The rule here is to declare yourself a pacifist and walk away from any situation which could conclude with your destruction.
5. Location/Architecture. Your emergence from the subway station is metaphoric. You, dear reader, were just spat out by a train onto an area you never knew existed, until now. Every sewer cap you walk past suddenly reminds you of your place in capitalism; you're not from around these parts and the locals don't like you. If you're thinking a dog walker in this area makes a lot more money than you do, you're right. Don't look the buildings around here in the eyes. My suggestion: scamper on back home, forget what you just saw, and take refuge in the fact that you don't live there.

Side note: Men, the women you encounter in these situations are not meant for you; you simply wouldn't even know where to start. Women, the men you encounter in these situations are not meant for you but, they may be willing to sleep with you.

-Alex